Three spirits residing with one another, obtaining personalities and morals that fall on extreme opposite ends of the spectrum (assuming a spectrum could have 3 ends).
Spirit "Uno" is a settler attempting to hide her vibrant yet delicate light under a sheer curtain. She is passive-aggressive, easily satisfied, allows manipulation, sacrifices self for others as she attempts to avoid disgruntled customers and pacify those that are less than satisfied with life in general. Uno could be happy, in a sincere way, with many of the simple things that life has to offer. But when dealing primarily with other spirits whose lights are dimmed by selfishness and stubbornness, she cannot experience joy. See, those who have selfless demeanors do not often flourish with those who demonstrate being enamored with themselves. Maybe Uno is a late-bloomer, too. It is very possible that she has been jaded the majority of her life by mis-guidance. Recently, though, she realized that life does not have to be this way- that just maybe she is worthy of the joy that God intends for her. What is she willing to do for it?
Spirit "Dos" is a settler, also. His light is strong, but is locked in by an iron clad capsule. He spends his life trying to progress and get ahead of the next big guy, much like running in place on a treadmill. For many reasons aside from his slow progress, beginning in the early days of his life, he experiences an enormous sense of inferiority. Though many choose to deal with this by trying to prove wrong the suppressors of their past by doing, he chooses to do so by talk and degradation. In doing so, Dos also becomes a suppressor. It seems to the outsider that this is a counter-productive process and is probably not at all what Dos had in mind. Poor Dos. His strong, domineering, combative personality inhibits him from experiencing the love and joy that God intended on giving him. It also causes other spirits to become reluctant around him, not wanting to provide the love and joyful experiences that may otherwise come naturally. He is the counterpart of Uno, the selfless spirit.
Spirit Tres is concerned, yet progressive. Her light is bright, but it bounces all over the place, not sure where she belongs amidst Uno and Dos. She has no problem finding self motivation and has no reserve about being independent. She attempts to maintain the same selflessness that Uno demonstrates, though it doesn't shine all the time. She struggles as she watches Uno and Dos try to function as a team, because again, selfless and selfish cannot reside together. However, she can do nothing. She can do nothing but watch the two previous spirits perform an ugly, twisted dance that seems to work for them.
The matured spirits choose to squander their lights, each beautiful and vibrant in their own way. Tres cannot bear to witness such misery, though her attempts to fix the situation are in vain. To the best of her efforts, all she can do is make sure she doesn't repeat the same pattern, and keep her thoughts to herself.
These three spirits that which God has created must all be responsible for their own growth. The journey is not easy.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Like my tummy, my heart is full.
It's been like years since the last time I have blogged. I don't know that I have many catchy or wise things to say. Though I do believe that I feel a pull to update whoever wants to catch up.
Dec. 2010- Wrapped up the last Fall semester of my college career and began studying for the Praxis exam and my comprehensive exams religiously. This studying unfortunately lasted for months. Oh, and I started dating a boy. A really good one :) He, Stephanie and all of the Housewives of the major cities in America got me through that horrific period.
Jan. 2011- I went to Nashville often and landed a job in the midst of those trips! I also passed the Praxis this month. Praise the Lord.
Feb. 2011- I have a sweetheart this Valentine's Day! I went to Nashville a lot this month, too, before my comprehensive exams on the 24th and 25th.
March 2011- Passed most of my comps, but had to go to orals for one section of it. EW. Not fun- but I survived! For Spring Break I went to Seattle with the CSC to be homeless. It was an awesome adventure. Oh, and I found an apartment toward the end of the month!
April-May 2011- Finishing everything and trying to get it all in line :)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Now. Now things are strange. At this very moment I don't know what to do with myself, except think about what the past 24 years have been like and then freak out because I know the next half of my life will be completely different. I realized today that I have been in school, doing homework and taking tests, for the past 18 years. Straight. 18 years straight. Wow. For the past 6 years, I have been building the foundation of who I want to be.
Thoughts come rushing into my head about the road that has brought me to today. I think about where everything started- I was a lost girl who met some great people. The great people introduced me to God and became my closest friends. People that will always be close to my heart. With them I had my ups and downs, interwoven with compromising relationships (platonic and romantic), wild moments, embarrassing moments, emotional breakdowns, and emotional breakthroughs. I went through some gnarly situations and lost some friends. I am ok with that though, because God used these situations to teach me lessons, strengthen me and introduce me to some of the main roles in my life. On this journey God also exposed me to His beauty, He introduced me to His people in many parts of the world, in many different stages of life. He molded the way I look at my brothers and sisters.
Through the poor choices I made came pain and through that pain God provided encouragement and support. This was a recurring theme, and still is. For what I felt like I was missing in my life, my friends/mentors provided. For what I felt like needed to change at home, it has progressively gotten better. On several occasions I experienced the "perfect moments." You know, the moments where there is nothing you could change to make it better. Like having a dinner with a good friend on the porch of a sweet restaurant the week of finals, the weather is warm and you're wearing a dress, it's almost sunset and your wine suits the occasion.
I learned so many things. I saw so who I want to be in many bits and pieces of the ones He has put in my path. From them I learned I want to be quiet (let's remember these are woks in progress), contemplative, wise, considerate, compassionate, empathetic, strong, smart, healthy, funny, energetic, innocent, satisfied, convicted, convinced, honest, sincere, grateful and full of love.
My heart is now overwhelmed- the summation of my college career/foundation-building-stage is beautiful. I am sad, so sad to leave it. From what I understand the only constant in life is change. But, I can say that I am eternally grateful that my heart is this full to the brim at the ending of this crazy beautiful chapter.
Dec. 2010- Wrapped up the last Fall semester of my college career and began studying for the Praxis exam and my comprehensive exams religiously. This studying unfortunately lasted for months. Oh, and I started dating a boy. A really good one :) He, Stephanie and all of the Housewives of the major cities in America got me through that horrific period.
Jan. 2011- I went to Nashville often and landed a job in the midst of those trips! I also passed the Praxis this month. Praise the Lord.
Feb. 2011- I have a sweetheart this Valentine's Day! I went to Nashville a lot this month, too, before my comprehensive exams on the 24th and 25th.
March 2011- Passed most of my comps, but had to go to orals for one section of it. EW. Not fun- but I survived! For Spring Break I went to Seattle with the CSC to be homeless. It was an awesome adventure. Oh, and I found an apartment toward the end of the month!
April-May 2011- Finishing everything and trying to get it all in line :)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Now. Now things are strange. At this very moment I don't know what to do with myself, except think about what the past 24 years have been like and then freak out because I know the next half of my life will be completely different. I realized today that I have been in school, doing homework and taking tests, for the past 18 years. Straight. 18 years straight. Wow. For the past 6 years, I have been building the foundation of who I want to be.
Thoughts come rushing into my head about the road that has brought me to today. I think about where everything started- I was a lost girl who met some great people. The great people introduced me to God and became my closest friends. People that will always be close to my heart. With them I had my ups and downs, interwoven with compromising relationships (platonic and romantic), wild moments, embarrassing moments, emotional breakdowns, and emotional breakthroughs. I went through some gnarly situations and lost some friends. I am ok with that though, because God used these situations to teach me lessons, strengthen me and introduce me to some of the main roles in my life. On this journey God also exposed me to His beauty, He introduced me to His people in many parts of the world, in many different stages of life. He molded the way I look at my brothers and sisters.
Through the poor choices I made came pain and through that pain God provided encouragement and support. This was a recurring theme, and still is. For what I felt like I was missing in my life, my friends/mentors provided. For what I felt like needed to change at home, it has progressively gotten better. On several occasions I experienced the "perfect moments." You know, the moments where there is nothing you could change to make it better. Like having a dinner with a good friend on the porch of a sweet restaurant the week of finals, the weather is warm and you're wearing a dress, it's almost sunset and your wine suits the occasion.
I learned so many things. I saw so who I want to be in many bits and pieces of the ones He has put in my path. From them I learned I want to be quiet (let's remember these are woks in progress), contemplative, wise, considerate, compassionate, empathetic, strong, smart, healthy, funny, energetic, innocent, satisfied, convicted, convinced, honest, sincere, grateful and full of love.
My heart is now overwhelmed- the summation of my college career/foundation-building-stage is beautiful. I am sad, so sad to leave it. From what I understand the only constant in life is change. But, I can say that I am eternally grateful that my heart is this full to the brim at the ending of this crazy beautiful chapter.
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